God Only Knows
by PandaFire McMango
Summary: AngelCollins fluff songfic. oneshot, and rated T for language and...stuff. anywayz, run with that. fluffy, loveydovey enough to make you violently sick. please R&R, no one ever reviews songfics and i want to know what you think!


**does it mean anything that all of my songfics are CollinsAngel fluff?**

**Of course not. FYI, I do not own "God Only Knows" by the Beach Boys, though it it such a lovely song that i will someday. I've met Brain Wilson a fair number of times, so i'm getting close. and though I never put disclaimers on anything, i do not own RENT. However, that shall shortly be amended.**_  
_

_I may not always love you  
But long as there are stars above you  
You never need to doubt it  
I'll make you so sure about it_

"Since when did you become so beautiful?" Collins whispered, wrapping his arms around her from behind. Angel grinned and twisted to face him, his arms encircling her and pulling her close against him. Mimi, who knew this was a sure sign that she would need to abandon her conversation with Angel, rolled her eyes and walked away with a grin on her face. The two of them were really incredibly frustrating, but somehow they made her feel tingly and happy inside.

"I don't know, you tell me," Angel said, batting her eyelashes. Collins laughed.

"Well, I have to admit…I can't remember a time when you weren't gorgeous."

"You're so sweet."

"It helps to be able to lie with a straight face."

"Wha—you horrible, evil person, leave me alone." Angel struggled to pull away from him, but he tightened his embrace and leaned down slightly to kiss her neck in apology. Needless to say, Angel quickly stopped resisting. Collins tasted the smooth, soft skin beneath her ear and felt happier than he could imagine.

"Hey, hey, hey…you know I love you, right?" he said softly. Angel snaked her hands up under the flannel overshirt he was wearing, her slender fingers seeking out the edges of his T-shirt sleeves and slipping underneath to rub his shoulders.

"How could I not?" she whispered back, tilting her head upwards to kiss him gently. He let her taste and her scent sedate him, blurring the reality of their surroundings and making her, only her, real._  
God only knows what I'd be without you_

To kiss her was to detach from the weight of the world and go flying up into whatever Heaven must exist. It was to get a feeling in the pit of his stomach that every thing was right, everything was beautiful. The minute her eyes looked into his, the minute their separate bodies touched, the moment those sweet brown lips brushed against his own…he was gone. Off flying among the stars, tethered to Earth only by her warm, sweet breath in his mouth and the beat of her heart by his.

To kiss him was a revelation, a crystal clear glance at everything that lay underneath. It was the most refreshing breath of fresh air in the world, the most intoxicating cloud of drug fumes, the most beautiful glow of a sunset. It was like dying and being reborn with a silver spoon in your hand. A wonderful, delicious tingle crept up her back as they met, joined, communed with each other. There was nothing in the world like it. That she was sure of.  
_If you should ever leave me  
Though life would still go on believe me  
The world could show nothing to me  
So what good would living do me_

"You two are the perfect couple. It's official. I think I'll make you a plaque," Maureen said thoughtfully, tapping one long fingernail on the glass of her beer mug. Angel groaned and rolled her eyes, while Joanne and Mimi exchanged glances and tried not to laugh. The Life Café bustled around them, masking the subject of their conversation from anyone but those involved.

"Maureen, nothing annoys me more than you going on about how me and Collins are the world's most wonderfullest, beautifulest, prettiest match-made-in-heaven and the rest of you don't stand a chance. I mean, you're deluded." Having said this, Angel took a big gulp of beer. Mimi silently pretended to applaud. Maureen glared at her and waited until Angel had finished drinking to retaliate.

"I have never seen the two you fight. I've never seen him get angry at you and vice versa. I've never seen either of you act selfish or mean about stuff that you do together. I'm completely in the dark when you say that I'm wrong to call you the Perfect Couple."

"Oh god, Maureen, could you be any more self-pitying?" Joanne said. Maureen whirled on her, but Mimi took her by the shoulders and redirected her.

"Calm down, girl, s'all okay. Angel, you have thirty seconds to respond." Angel gave Mimi a look.

"Thanks for the time, Mimi. Maureen, just because you don't see us arguing doesn't mean it's not happening. We get mad a lot, and we agree with the frequency of lightning striking the same place twice. Sometimes he drives me freakin' crazy, but so what if you don't see that?"

"You never scream at each other in public."

"We're protecting you from the horror."

"Neither of you have habits that drive the other crazy."

"Holy fuck, do you think I _like_ that he wears the same clothes for maybe five days straight? And does he seem like the kind of guy to be happy about my nail polish fetish?"

"You tell each other everything."

"I haven't mentioned some of the things you said about certain people when you were drunk a week ago."

"Um…um…" Maureen was hard pressed to find another argument. Mimi and Joanne were very closing to losing it completely, and Angel was smiling triumphantly. Finally, Maureen sighed and stuck her tongue out at Angel.

"Ok, I give in. You're right, you're right…" Angel nodded and crossed her arms.

"Of course I am. But Maureen…" she said slowly, cocking her head to the side, "I'm not saying that things are bad between us. In fact…to tell the truth, they're better than they've ever been with anyone before for me." Mimi smiled and reached out to squeeze Angel's shoulder. Maureen grinned.

"So you _admit_ that this is the perfect match for you?" she said, waggling her eyebrows. Joanne groaned.

"Maureen, give it a rest! Angel is tired of all this—"

"Yes, I do admit it," Angel said simply. Joanne shut up and sat back, biting her tongue.

"I love him, Maureen. I've never loved anyone like that. And it's more than that…it's deeper, if I'm making any sense."

"Not a lot," Mimi cut in. Angel smiled and brushed a strand of hair off Mimi's face.

"I will soon, chica. Trust me."_  
God only knows what I'd be without you  
God only knows what I'd be without you_

He pressed his face to her hard, flat stomach and breathed in that beautiful mixture of skin and eagerness and pulsing life. Her hands guided him to the places where she wanted him most, to the places where pleasure erupted in dizzying bursts as he allowed his mouth and fingers to dance across her body. She drew in her breath sharply as he went too fast, too hard; but he knew felt it before he heard it and drew back quickly. He moved upwards, level with her now, the weight of his body pressing down on hers. His hands held tight to her hips, steadying her, keeping her protected against the momentum of the thrusts. She closed her eyes and gasped as she came, nearly drowning in the intensity, the darkness, all of it…

And then they were done, separate bodies again instead of a single entity. The mattress beneath them let them move apart, carried them through the breathlessness and the fleeting exhaustion. Then there was peace and calm, and the room was still.

_If you should ever leave me  
Well life would still go on believe me  
The world could show nothing to me  
So what good would living do me_

"Angel?" he whispered, his voice moving sluggishly through the sweaty, heated air that lingers after sex. Beside him, she rolled onto her side and reached out to brush her fingertips against his biceps. The sheets covered them both, rough and coarse-feeling after the velvetiness of skin on skin. It was too dark to make out distinct facial features, but that didn't matter. Love is a powerful visual memorization incentive.

"Yes?" she answered. He rolled on his side too, causing the mattress to slope a little in his direction. She slid down this slight incline, happy to be closer to him. He located her face in the dark, and stroked her cheeks with his knuckles. She turned her head to kiss his hand.

"If I ever stop loving you more and more every minute, slap me until I return to my senses," he said with all seriousness. Angel giggled softly and let her head fall forward against his collarbone. Collins pressed his face into the springy mat of dark curls on her head; they smelled of sweat and shampoo and pure, unadulterated Angel.

"Gladly…but if you slap me back, I'll make you pay." He laughed quietly and kissed her hair. And then it was as if once he started, he couldn't stop. He buried his nose and lips in that soft hair, kissing it again and again and again. He only managed to stop when Angel looked up and cupped the back of his head with one small hand, pushing his lips into hers and kissing him with a promise of forever love.

The very best kind of love._  
God only knows what I'd be without you  
God only knows what I'd be without you  
God only knows_

"Are you comfortable, baby?"

"Yes, stop fussing already. I'd like to be able to breath without you freaking out and giving me CPR."

"Now, you know you want me to give you mouth-to-mouth resuscitation."

"Resuscitation; big word for someone like you. You get a gold star." Collins laughed and shook his head. Angel smiled and scooted over so that he could have more room on the hospital bed. Outside, the rain fell to Earth with a softness that didn't fit its torrential strength. It was as though it was taking pity on them; keeping the violent force at bay so as not to disturb them.

"Mmm...you're warm," Angel murmured, snuggling up against him. Collins chuckled and cupped her body in his. Though he tried to ignore it, the closeness only accentuated how much weight and body volume she had lost. Angel had always been slender and slight, though no one could ever mistake her for skinny; her natural frame was muscular and compact, like a gymnast. But now she seemed so thin, almost emaciated, and her body was no longer reliable. It was becoming more and more of an inanimate object every day; less and less a house for Angel's vibrant spirit.

"You cold?" he asked before he could stop himself. Angel shook her head and curled into a tight little ball, wrapped in a warm, loving cocoon of his body.

"Nah, it's just the air conditioning in this place. They keep it on 24/7, and it makes me feel sick after a while." Collins nodded and held her a little tighter. For a moment, they enjoyed the comfortable silence. Then Collins remembered something from earlier that day.

"I think Mimi looks like she's doing a little better, don't you?" He felt Angel stir against his chest, and he wondered if he had somehow offended her. Then he realized that she was just adjusting so that she could breathe more easily.

"Maybe…she's definitely been going through a lot of stuff, though. Still, she stayed today when Roger came to play his guitar, so they aren't fighting. At least, not today."

"Mmm-hmm. You know, I've noticed…whenever Roger plays the guitar for you, you always ask him to play at least one Beatles song. I mean, there has to be a reason other than just making the boy cringe as he plays 'Lady Madonna'." Angel laughed and nodded.

"I grew up with the Beatles playing nonstop on the record player in my house. My parents used to love that thing…big ol' scratchy turntable that would butcher the songs. But my sisters and I used to listen to those old Beatles records for ages…god, I still think of our ratty old couch when I hear 'Nowhere Man'. Oh, and whenever 'Paperback Writer' came on, my little sister Theresa would—"

But Collins never found out what Theresa would do, because Angel suddenly began to cough in the middle of her sentence; a scraping, painful cough, one that seemed to rip at her windpipe. He tried to help sit up, but she only curled up tighter and rolled into him, her entire body threatening to shake to pieces with the force of the coughing. Outside, thunder rumbled stormily, as though it was trying to cough along with her. Collins felt dampness on the front of his T-shirt and looked down to see reddish flecks of blood lightly spattering the cloth. Feeling vaguely nauseous, Collins rubbed her back and neck until the coughing finally stopped. Then he tenderly cleaned the watery blood away from her mouth and wiped away the sweat from her forehead. She was trembling, and he kissed her shoulders with all the care and gentleness in the world._  
God only knows what I'd be without you  
God only knows what I'd be without you  
God only knows  
God only knows what I'd be without you  
God only knows what I'd be without you  
God only knows_

"You always said how lucky you were that we were all friends…" Maureen said quietly, her voice hoarse with emotion as she tilted her face towards the sky. Collins squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath. Please don't say anything more, Maureen, don't make me feel anything more, I can't take it…

"But it was us, baby, who were the lucky ones." Oh shit. Those fucking tears...he had already cried enough, but somehow they never ran out. Collins knew he had to speak next though, so he buried the tears inside his heart and rose out of his seat, hoping to God that his legs could support him. Maureen looked over her shoulder one last time, then nearly fled from the coffin, her cheeks blotchy as she struggled not to sob. Collins caught her eye as they passed each other. The spark that always danced in her pupils flickered sadly, and Collins looked away.

As he approached the coffin, it seemed to radiate a sense of cool, calm lifelessness, like a slab of marble. For a moment, Collins had a wild urge to rip the lid off and let the light of the world play over her face one last time. He stamped on it and bit the inside of his lip. Focus, focus and be steady…for her sake…

And then he was there, standing over the thing that held his true love in its cold, black belly. As he reached out to stroke the smooth surface, Collins realized that his coat was still clutched in his arms, like a little child's teddy bear. As he rubbed a bit of worn leather between two fingers, he came to understand that there was truly nothing he could say that would express who Angel was to him, what she had given him and how much she had changed.

There was nothing her could say.

But there was definitely something he could sing._  
God only knows what I'd be without you  
God only knows what I'd be without you  
God only knows  
God only knows what I'd be without you_


End file.
